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#31 2017-01-05 03:34:06

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/24-09-16%20-%201_zps1ddyep40.jpg


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#32 2017-01-08 21:52:41

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

Take these as they are intended ....jokes , no meant to offend anyone

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/17%20-%201_zpsuaorm8uy.jpg

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/16%20-%201_zpsqq0we1ph.gif

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/avoid%20interaction_zpsyfo3yolr.gif

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/wineglass_zpsj0yvapnb.jpg


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#33 2017-01-10 03:55:48

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.


   

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.

As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert.

If you don’t use it, you will lose it !!!


   

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test.

Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.


   

Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not.


   

The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.


   

OK, RELAX, clear your mind and begin.


   


   


   


   


   


   

#1. What do you put in a toaster ?


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.


   

And, try not to hurt yourself.    If you said, bread, go to Question #2.


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

# 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink ?


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.


   

Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.



   






Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.


   

However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from ?


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.


   


   


   

If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this ???   PLEASE, go lie down !


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:


   


   


   

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.


   

In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.


   

In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.


   

In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.


   

In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.


   

In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.


   

And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.


   


   


   

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.


   


   


   


   


   

Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver ?


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   


   



   






Answer: Oh, for crying out loud !


   


   


   


   


   


   


   

Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#34 2017-01-10 04:10:09

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

Ski season is almost here! Hence, the following list of Exercises to get you prepared:

16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.

7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.

6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.

3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.

2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!




For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.   

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.



2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.



3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.



4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..



CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.






An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer" the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "There's no way they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, smiling. "Great," he says, "they're coming home for Christmas AND paying their own way!!




Jack had been a compulsive worrier for years, to the point it was ruining his life. He saw a psychologist who recommended a specialist who could help him. His friend, Bob, noticed a dramatic change and asked "What happened? Nothing seems to worry you anymore." "I hired a professional worrier and I haven't had a worry since." replied Jack. "That must be expensive." Bob replied. "He charges $5,000 a month." Jack told him. "$5,000!!? How in the world can you afford to pay him?" exclaimed Bob. "I don't know, that's his problem."




A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#35 2017-01-12 00:40:37

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/IMG_4704_zpsve6uxjby.jpg

Farmer do it like a boss

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/IMG_4702_zpsvrihbezl.jpg


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#36 2017-02-13 02:18:13

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

Who needs a gym

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/IMG_4949_zpscurmn7h1.gif


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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#37 2017-05-01 03:43:32

prairie dog
I Love A.C.E.
From: Where the wind blows
Registered: 2010-05-13
Posts: 3121
Website

Re: =============================

This made me laugh ..why ??

http://i1109.photobucket.com/albums/h423/09151960/14196076_1082628091832521_8332773022739613308_o_zpsok1ef9wb.jpg


“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”.

Everyday is a new box , you open it and take a look inside , you're the one who determines if it's a gift or a coffin

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